Is your hand in His?

I heard an interesting story on the radio tonight while driving home from work. It was about a little boy who wanted to hear a certain preacher preach. The boy was dirty and homeless and the preacher was talking way across town. The boy wanted to see him so bad that he did everything he could to get across town. Finally, after a lot of hard work and tirals, he made it across town to the church that the preacher was at. He ran up the steps only to find a man there, beside a closed door. The man asked the boy what he was doing there. The boy told him that he had come very far and worked very hard to see the preacher preach. The man told him that he was much too dirty and would not be allowed in. The boy walked away and looked around for another way in. The windows were all too high and there weren't any other doors. He went back to the front steps, sat down, and cried. Soon, a big car drove up and out stepped a man with a top hat and large hands. The man asked the boy why he was crying and the boy explained that he had come so far and worked so hard to see the preacher, but was not allowed in-even after trying so hard. The man put his big hand out and said, "Put your hand in mine." The boy did without question, and they walked toward the previously closed door. The door was flung open wide and they were permitted in. They walked all the way to the front where the man with the big hands had the boy sit in the front pew. Then, the man walked to the pulpit and started to preach. He was the preacher the boy was coming to see!

This is a beautiful illustration of Heaven and how to get there. You can't get there by trying hard, or your good works. You can only get there by placing your trust in Jesus. He will walk you in. Is your hand in His???

Toddler concentration

I was doing some picking up while Justin and I were home with Gavin at preschool. Justin got the box of games that Gavin and I play from. It has bingo, tick tack toe, dominoes and some others. Gavin and I play with them at the table before Justin gets up from his nap. Anyway, Justin got the box and said, "Play table." He wanted to sit right where Gavin sits and play the games with me. He's 2 and really won't get most of them, but I sat down with him and we decided to play with the dominoes. We made a train and some towers, and had a fun time together. My favorite part was just looking at Justin and watching him think and work. I spent some time thanking God for him and basking in the peace. These pictures don't begin to capture what I saw as I was sitting there, but they are close enough. Little kids concentrating are just so cute! The last one was of him asking me to stop taking pictures.

Signs that he's growing

Gavin has had a tooth that has been hurting him for a while. I looked at it and touched it and realized that it was loose. I didn't tell him to see if he would figure it out on his own. This was a month or more ago. Since then he has stopped eating bagels, apples and carrots. He doesn't complain or question his tooth. It just is. So yesterday I looked at it again and mentioned that maybe it was getting loose. Gavin's face lit up so bright! He got really excited that the tooth fairy would be coming soon. Since then he will spontaneously break in to a dance and laughing because his tooth is loose. He can't wiggle it with his tongue because, "My tongue is too slimy" but can move it with his fingers. He doesn't like to move it though because it is sore. I remember when I was bummed that he was getting teeth because I loved his toothless baby smile. Now he's loosing those very teeth. I swear that was last week!

I'm so impressed with the person that he's turning in to. Such a wonderful son to have. Recently we tried a new church. I was almost sick with all the butterflies about how the kids were going to do in the nursery. Gavin didn't want to go and Justin had no idea what we were doing. After signing them up and talking to Gavin, we walked him to his area. I mouthed to the workers that they may have to hold him while he cried (he's 5 and that would not be easy), but he walked in to the area on his own. He was not happy about it, but he didn't cry! I was so impressed that I almost lost it and started crying myself. When I handed Justin over he had caught on and was saying, "Mama come too. Mama come too." He cried, but we expected that. Apparently he cried for a bit and was then very cautious. He perked up and was happy after a cookie :-) They both did well and had positive things to say. Gavin didn't want to go back unless he gets to play on the slide the whole time, but too bad buddy, we went again and all went well (with a little crying from Justin). Gavin said that he wants to ride the church bus next week. They have shuttles from remote lots and we'll give them a try.

My boys are so awesome! They are very different and I love it. They have taught me the value of silence and that patience is always the right choice. They are growing so fast!

I hope he gets it eventually

One of the things that my mom used to tell us was that there is no trying. You either do it or you don't. It drove me crazy when she told us this. She would demonstrate by asking us to make a fist. Either we did or we didn't. There was no in-between. I still don't totally believe in that and I think there are circumstances where something is a "try" and not a failure. I think she would agree, but sometimes you need to be black and white with kids. Even though I don't totally agree, it causes me to think and I certainly learned from her teachings.

Lately, I've been talking with Gavin about how there are times when he chooses how he feels. Or, actually, he chooses what to do with the feelings he has. When I ask him to pick up the toys and he misses part of Sesame Street because he was dilly dallying, he says that I made him angry. Well, he may be angry because of the consequence of his dilly dallying, but in his eyes it's because I asked him to pick up. In that moment, it's ok to feel the anger, but he can decide how to act. That just makes him madder. I have the feeling that this will be one of those things that he remembers as an adult. Just like I remember the trying thing with my mom.

My struggle is to model the behavior that I am preaching! I don't always demonstrate the best choice when it comes to my frustration. When I let it take over, I do take time to talk to Gavin later about how I could have acted differently and that it's normal to feel the emotion, but we need to continually work to display it in a way that won't hurt others. I hope that when he looks back and remembers the things that I told him that drove him crazy, he'll also realize that he learned something from them. He doesn't have to completely agree with what I'm trying to teach, but at least he'll have something to ponder.

The first hour I was awake

Keep in mind that preschool drop off is between 9 and 9:10, and we generally leave the house at around 8:30 or 8:40 to hit that window...

We had a fun, but very long weekend over Thanksgiving. It included 2 work evenings and 2 big dinners with an overnight at my mom's in there too. We had fun, but were beat. I worked last night and went to bed at around 11pm. Cole left this morning at 6. I had high hopes of getting up then to have a little time before the kids got up at 7, but I quickly fell back to sleep. That is typical for me and Gavin is usually out of bed between 7 and 7:30 and will wake me up.

I opened my eyes to a clock that read 8:29! Gavin was still sleeping and I couldn't hear much from Justin's room either. I thought about skipping preschool since it was time to leave and I was still in bed, but I made the decision to see if we could make it. I put my contacts in and woke up Gavin. He was not sick (like I thought he might since he slept so long) and he was pretty resistant to getting up and dressed so fast. I gently told him that if he didn't get dressed right now, we would not make it to school. I ran in and got dressed myself and he actually finished before me. We went in to get Justin and while I was dressing him, Gavin got his show and tell item and loaded his backpack. I put some waffles in the toaster and went outside to put the car seats in the car. The kids got all buckled in and I still had to wait a minute or so on the waffles! I smeared a little peanut butter on them and we left for school. I got up at 8:29 and drove out of the driveway with dressed and eating kids at 8:46! I couldn't have done it without my amazing Gavin. I did forget his jacket though, so I hope he does ok when they go outside today.

We dropped him off and ran to Fred Meyer. I had remembered my list, but not my coupons. Oh well. We picked up a few things and were going to go back home. Justin had asked for a doughnut, but I forgot about it. I was putting the last bag in the car when he started to dance in the seat of the car cart, getting all excited about his doughnut. I felt really bad that I had forgotten it when I heard him start to scream and cry. I looked over and the cart was rolling backward in to the parking lot. He was so terrified! Of course I ran and caught it, but we were both scared for sure.

We left Fred Meyer 1 hour after I got out of bed. What a crazy morning! Now, I'm enjoying a little coffee and a quick sit down before I pack up an item to ship to an ebay buyer and head back out to pick up Gavin. I am also taking a moment to thank God for his work in our morning. The potential was there for several disasters and He took care of us. He never ceases to amaze me :-)

no NO NOOOOOO!

I lost Justin's Fuzzy Blankie! He has 2 blankets. One from Target (that I have a duplicate of) and one from someone at my mom's work. The second one is pretty small and crocheted from this pastel, very fuzzy yarn. When he wants Blankie, he wants both of them. We put the small fuzzy one on his little pillow in bed. We were shopping in Fred Meyer today and he had both of them tucked in next to him in the cart. We got all through the checkstand and out to the car before I realized that Fuzzy Blankie was missing. I remember when he was letting it drop and I gave it back twice. Typically, if he's playing that game, I'll put it in my bag until he's ready to hold it, instead of dropping it. I don't remember seeing Blankie after he dropped it twice. We walked all through the store and weren't able to find it. I left my information with Customer Service and we're hoping that someone turns it in.

When I put him down for his nap, I found another blanket that was much bigger, but was also fuzzy. He was ok with it, but I know he would prefer his friend back.

On the drive in to town this morning, I was thinking about Fuzzy Blankie and wondering what would happen if it became unraveled or otherwise broken. I thought that I could probably crochet one for him if that ever happened. I've never thought about it before and it sure is funny that I thought about it just an hour before Blankie went missing. God sure makes me laugh sometimes! Ha ha.

So, when Cole gets home, I'm headed back out to buy some yarn and will be digging out my "How to Crochet" book this evening. Not exactly how I planned to spend the evening, but that's ok. Anything for my boys huh? Thank goodness I don't have to work today.

After Fred Meyer, we still needed to go to Safeway, but didn't have enough time. My trip this evening will then include Safeway too. I'm actually excited to do a little grocery shopping by myself. :-)

Justin's check up

I know you've all been waiting, so here it is. A review of our day at Children's yesterday...

I had a couple of ultrasounds at the end of my pregnancy with Justin and they revealed some abnormalities with his kidneys. By the time he was 2 months old, he had undergone a couple of tests and was diagnosed with Vesicoureteral Reflux. Yesterday, we went for some check up tests... http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/Kudiseases/pubs/vesicoureteralreflux/

Justin and I drove down to Children's and got there an hour before his first appointment. We got all checked in and hung out in the Radiology waiting room. He played and I worried. My only worry for the day (and for the many days leading up to yesterday) was how he was going to respond to one of his exams. He went for his Ultrasound and did fine. He wouldn't look at me at first, but after a couple of minutes he was talking about the cartoon that was on the TV. Then we went for the VCUG. He had one at 2 months old, but I knew that at that time, he would not be able to associate me with the discomfort of the test. This time I knew would be different.

When we got in to the x-ray room, I got him naked and put a little hospital gown on him (so cute by the way!). I sat him on the table and put him on his back. He was cooperative, but apprehensive. They moved the x-ray camera to situate it over his abdomen, but it was so big that it pretty much hovered over his neck down to his upper legs. It came down to about 6-8" above him. That's what freaked him out. It was moving on it's own, and coming straight down n him. It didn't touch him, but he was shaking with fear :-( I was holding on to his arms (which he never fought-even once) and had my face touching his face the whole time. I never lifted my head from his. I talked to him and offered to hold my hand over his eyes. He was so sweet and really seemed comforted by my very close proximity. He liked having Blankie over his face too. They put the catheter in and he didn't seem to really notice. He flinched, but didn't cry. Near the end of the test we had to wait for him to urinate (the catheter was out). I asked him to do it and he was able to go, many times. His bladder was quite full and I'm sure it was a relief to get that stuff out. They were doing the continuous x-ray the whole time. I think that I was hugging his head and almost smothering him for at least 20 min. My shoulders and back are sore, but it was worth it to be such a support for him. So, my fear of him associating me with the pain and fear of the test was turned in to gratitude that I could be his strength. I hope that in his subconscious he sees me as his comfort during a very scary time.

As for the test results, they were neutral to me. His left kidney was at a grade 3 last time, and now has no signs of reflux! Reflux is graded 1-5, with 5 being the most severe. That kidney is growing well and is probably doing most of the work. The right kidney is at a grade 4-5 and was a 5 last time. It has barely grown at all and the doctor thinks that it really doesn't do much work at all.

During the past 2 years Justin was supposed to be on daily antibiotics to prevent any urinary tract infections. He was on them for a while, but I ended up stopping them without talking to the doctor. I would never advise going against the doctor's instruction, by the way! When I told him that I had stopped, I was surprised at his response. He said that there is a "small minority" of doctors that are trying the no antibiotic approach! That made me feel a little less like a non-compliant parent. Justin has never had a urinary tract infection or any unexplained fevers and has been completely normal. He is heading in to a period where he will be potty training soon though. Typically, when kids potty train, they are at higher risk of infection because they tend to hold their urine too long. The doctor and I both agreed that starting Justin back on the antibiotics at this time would be a good idea. So, he's back on them and that's all we need to do for now.

As long as Justin doesn't have any problems, we'll go back in a year. If all is well, he'll probably just get another ultrasound to check on the growth of the kidneys. The doctor said that he would not need another VCUG unless he was having issues and we were prepared to act on the results. That means, if he was having UTIs or other issues, he would probably need surgery. For now, he takes his meds and we live our lives. Not bad!

He has complained a couple of times about pain when he is peeing, but otherwise Justin has not had any ill effects from yesterday. When I got home and finally sat down to relax, it hit me how stressed I had actually been. I was not interested in thinking about anything and barely made it through the evening. I was in bed by 8:30 or so and really didn't sleep well. It was just the stress from thinking about my poor baby going through a medical procedure. The stress of it wore me out! It's over now though and we can move on to the rest of life's stresses :-)

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!